It's Mother's Day, and today I am finally at a point where I can tentatively say that I am on the verge of becoming a mother again. I keep beating around the bush with everyone, because it is hard for me to say...but here it goes...I am pregnant. Thirteen weekends along in fact and due on November 16, 2008.
I've known for awhile but the thought of putting it out there, and then having to take it back again nearly killed me. So I've been hiding but it's hard to hide when so many people know; it's not just hiding the pregnancy, it's hiding from building up hope and allowing yourself to be happy about this. Pregnancy after a loss is debilitating at times as you get stuck in your own fear. Analyzing what is going on in your body - one can only function so well while running to check for spotting, squeezing one's boobs, googling symptoms and debating if you are feeling nauseous or not.
But here I am, at the magical 13 week mark - still terrified but glimmers of hope peak in more and more now. I am pregnant, and I have finally started to believe that this baby is going to be born this fall. And then I will cross that line and become a Mom.
1 comment:
oh congrats! thats so exciting!
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