Today is my last day as a 26 year old. When I think of the past year, I can't imagine how much my life has changed since my first day being 26. Last year I was out at a bar, feeling drunk and getting drunker. Tonight I am sitting on my couch, feeling taps and wondering if I should eat cookies or not.
26 was rough - there were days when I really didn't think my marriage was going to make it, I hated my job and I just wanted things to change. And they did. My miscarriage was the worst thing that ever happened to me and it didn't end with the bleeding. There were months of grieving, questioning and fear and I never knew if I was ever going to find my way out.
Yet I did. Now, I am facing a whole new set of fears and questions. But I know that I have the strength to survive and on days when I begin to question that, these little kicks remind me that I don't really have an option.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
June 3, 2008
I'm sorry that I've been neglecting you, poor blog. I started the year with high hopes of posting daily but then you know, life happens and yeah. I didn't.
Today has been a week since Jon left. One week. We've gone longer than that without seeing each other before for any number of reasons but then we always knew when the next time would be. This time (and like the times he's been deployed before) there is no clear cut deadline or date to count down to. Instead there is just guesses and estimates. And lots of time to pass.
He moved all of his stuff down before he left this time. Leaving my apartment disorganized and cluttered which of course sent me into a cleaning binge. After all, my husband may be gone and I don't know when I will see him again and I am going to have our baby while he is away but at the very least my apartment will be clean. I ended up regretting it though - his smell is gone. His pillow smells clean, and there aren't any t-shirts that smell like him. And I miss that.
People have been wonderful, and supportive. So many people ask what they can do to help me and there is. Tonight, give your husband/wife/significant other a hug. And smell them. Because believe me, you'll miss that when you wash it out of your sheets.
Today has been a week since Jon left. One week. We've gone longer than that without seeing each other before for any number of reasons but then we always knew when the next time would be. This time (and like the times he's been deployed before) there is no clear cut deadline or date to count down to. Instead there is just guesses and estimates. And lots of time to pass.
He moved all of his stuff down before he left this time. Leaving my apartment disorganized and cluttered which of course sent me into a cleaning binge. After all, my husband may be gone and I don't know when I will see him again and I am going to have our baby while he is away but at the very least my apartment will be clean. I ended up regretting it though - his smell is gone. His pillow smells clean, and there aren't any t-shirts that smell like him. And I miss that.
People have been wonderful, and supportive. So many people ask what they can do to help me and there is. Tonight, give your husband/wife/significant other a hug. And smell them. Because believe me, you'll miss that when you wash it out of your sheets.
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