It's been awhile. I just needed a break - bad news when you need a break from the place you use as your safe place to talk about your innermost thoughts and feelings. My near miss post really made me feel vulnerable, and I needed to retreat.
But now I am back, and I am struggling. I feel like my "safe places" are becoming less safe. That I can't just be me without worrying that I hurt or offend others, and this is a place where I would never want to hurt anyone any more than they are already hurting. And so I max myself out supporting others but it feels like when I look to get that support in return people get hurt.
So yeah, I'm feeling pretty down tonight.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
February 11, 2008
Oh dear god. I posted my 2/11 blog on a work related blog. Thank god it seems like no one saw it but oh my god. Oh my god.
Note to self, be very careful where blogs are posted...
Note to self, be very careful where blogs are posted...
Sunday, February 10, 2008
February 10, 2008
The weekend is ending. And it was pretty good overall - I got some rest, the house is clean and I feel like I am ready to start up the week. Last week I had a lot on my mind and I am pretty sure that I'll have a clearer head this week.
The VA primary is on Tuesday so I've got to put some time into figuring out where I need to go to vote. I even offered to volunteer with the campaign of my candidate of choice so we will see where that leads.
The VA primary is on Tuesday so I've got to put some time into figuring out where I need to go to vote. I even offered to volunteer with the campaign of my candidate of choice so we will see where that leads.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
February 8, 2008
Just a quote today...
"Life is not just a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. But rather it is a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan."
"Life is not just a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. But rather it is a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan."
Friday, February 8, 2008
Thursday, February 7, 2008
February 7, 2008
One thing that almost every woman who has had a miscarriage dreads is her due date. Mine was March 17, 2008 - St Patrick's Day. As someone who has been an Irish Dancer for most of her life, St Patrick's Day has become an annoying cliche over the years. I go to bars or other crappy show locations, dance, deal with the annoying audience members and come out of it tired, cranky and glad that it is over for another year.
I wouldn't have had to deal with any of it this year if I was still pregnant. I'd be huge, or just delivered and the last person anyone would ask to dance in or run a show. But I'm not, so they are and I am saying yes on a limited basis. I've decided that the best way to honor my baby and my due date is to take back St Patrick's Day and make it something I enjoy again.
So I will dance, because I love it and it brings me peace. I will dance with people I enjoy spending time with, because even though several of them are pregnant they are my friends and I find that I fit there. I will enjoy and I will celebrate St Patrick's Day for my baby.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
February 6, 2008
It's 60 degrees at night in February. Bizarre.
I just walked Bailey and it started to rain. At one point, she sat down and looked at me like "You stupid human, you should have planned this better."
I love my dog, even when she's not so in love with me.
I just walked Bailey and it started to rain. At one point, she sat down and looked at me like "You stupid human, you should have planned this better."
I love my dog, even when she's not so in love with me.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
February 4, 2008
Another late post...only I have nothing to say in this one.
Nothing went as planned today, I felt like crap and then I had to drive back to VA. I love my husband but I think I will love him much more when I don't have to spend 10 hours in a car to go see him.
Nothing went as planned today, I felt like crap and then I had to drive back to VA. I love my husband but I think I will love him much more when I don't have to spend 10 hours in a car to go see him.
February 3, 2008
This is a late posting of Sunday's blog...
Hubs and I went out and celebrated our anniversary tonight. I had gotten us tickets to Avenue Q in Philly and my family got us some gift cards to a restaurant called Caribou Cafe. We had a fabulous dinner - great food, great wine and of course great company. We talked about how much stronger our marriage is and how we feel like we are finally starting to get a hang of married life.
Avenue Q was hysterical. Ridiculously off color and inappropriate, but so funny and perfect for my Hubs since he was stuck in a theatre on Super Bowl Sunday! I was saved by the fact that we were able to hear the final quarter on the radio on our way home to NJ - Go Giants!
And so the celebration of our first anniversary ended. Yes, we drug it out for a month but we won't be together next year so I think we deserved it!
Hubs and I went out and celebrated our anniversary tonight. I had gotten us tickets to Avenue Q in Philly and my family got us some gift cards to a restaurant called Caribou Cafe. We had a fabulous dinner - great food, great wine and of course great company. We talked about how much stronger our marriage is and how we feel like we are finally starting to get a hang of married life.
Avenue Q was hysterical. Ridiculously off color and inappropriate, but so funny and perfect for my Hubs since he was stuck in a theatre on Super Bowl Sunday! I was saved by the fact that we were able to hear the final quarter on the radio on our way home to NJ - Go Giants!
And so the celebration of our first anniversary ended. Yes, we drug it out for a month but we won't be together next year so I think we deserved it!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
February 2, 2008
I'm starting my second month of daily blogging!
And with that I am off to bed. I'm beat.
And with that I am off to bed. I'm beat.
February 1, 2008
Sorry for another late blog. Getting on here everyday is more of a challenge then I would have thought.
Last night I went to one of my best friends mother's funeral. I had never really met her mother but hearing how much alike she and my friend are makes me think that I would have really liked to meet her. It's strange to think that I am finally getting old enough that my friends parents could die - granted she died of cancer - but when I was younger I really thought that we would all be into our 40's and 50's before we started having to do this.
I was so amazed by my friend. She was so strong, and carried herself with such poise in the midst of that has been happening over the past week, really the past few months since her Mom was diagnosed. And her husband was there, and amazing. I am so glad that she has someone like him by her side.
Several of our friends showed up and my friend kept saying "I have the best friends ever." The thing is, she is an amazing person and friend and we all wanted to be there for her. And we'll all continue to be there, too.
Last night I went to one of my best friends mother's funeral. I had never really met her mother but hearing how much alike she and my friend are makes me think that I would have really liked to meet her. It's strange to think that I am finally getting old enough that my friends parents could die - granted she died of cancer - but when I was younger I really thought that we would all be into our 40's and 50's before we started having to do this.
I was so amazed by my friend. She was so strong, and carried herself with such poise in the midst of that has been happening over the past week, really the past few months since her Mom was diagnosed. And her husband was there, and amazing. I am so glad that she has someone like him by her side.
Several of our friends showed up and my friend kept saying "I have the best friends ever." The thing is, she is an amazing person and friend and we all wanted to be there for her. And we'll all continue to be there, too.
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