September 21, 2008

So I decided that now would be a good time to finish my "How I Met Your Father" post so that I don't have to think about other things.

So my BF and I got in her car and began to drive back to PA. The ride started out by laughing at TSM and how ridiculous he was and then I started to get a little sappy about him, how he seemed like a really great guy and that he really seemed interested in getting to know me. I of course then had to change the subject because I felt this strange warm fuzzy feeling about this guy starting to grow.

TSM was not easily deterred. He called his friend, who called BF who gave him my email to give to TSM. Apparently he then pulled together a bunch of his Marine buddies and took about 3 days to write a four line email that would show he was interested but not make him look needy. I have to admit I was impressed, so he finally got my number and we started talking pretty much everyday. A few weeks later he came up to see me and took me on a date - a real live actual date that ended with a kiss and him leaving me at the door because he "wanted to do things right this time."

So what is a damaged, commitment phobic girl to do when Mr Wonderful walks into her life? Why of course I found another guy who as one of my friends put it was a "fixer-upper." Seriously, if you ever want to see what he looks like look up loser in Websters dictionary and there is actually a picture of him. And of course I decide that this guy was a much better match for me than TSM because I never wanted to be involved with someone in the military (oh the irony of this statement now). Of course another friend was probably slightly more on the mark when she hypothesised that I avoided any relationships that had a future because I was afraid of getting hurt again.

So as hard as I tried, TSM would not give up on me. So when it became clear that just not talking to him anymore wasn't going to make him go away, I realized that I actually had to call and break up with this guy. This lead to another classic Erin-ism: The Plant Plan. I explained to him that while I enjoyed spending time with him, we were getting a little too relationshippy for me and that I simply couldn't be in a relationship with someone until I was able to keep a plant alive for six months. We get off the phone and I pat myself on the back for doing the right thing.

The next day I got a plant. Not just any plant mind you, a large green and white house plant with a note that said "I'll wait as long as it takes" Me being me, immediately calls BF and mocks the plant, throws away the note and sticks the plant on a window seat in my room, behind the door. This was in November and I can say that I completely forgot about said plant almost instantly.

The months go on, loser-guy got more loserish and further convinced me that normal healthy relationships only existed in moves and on tv. To his credit, TSM gave me some space for a few weeks and then we started chatting online here and there. I always enjoyed talking to him but I kept reminding myself that I didn't want to be involved with someone in the military. I got a job down in DC, packed my things and moved South. The relationship with loser was well on its way to ending so I was just waiting that out before moving on to conquer a whole new city.

Then I heard that TSM was going to Iraq. This was early 2003, just as the war was starting. He was the first person that I really knew who was going to be in a real war and the feelings I had were confusing. I was feeling so much at one time, that I didn't quite know how to process it all. We talked a little bit, enough for me to get his address because I told him that I would write and send care packages but I still I felt like there was so much more that needed to be said.

A few days later my Mom called and asked if I wanted the plant that was on my window seat. My part of the conversations went something like this: Plant? What plant? Oh that plant. Isn't it dead? No? Seriously. Are you sure? Like its still alive? Wow. I gotta go.

I packed a bag, got in my car and started driving from VA to Northern NJ in the middle of a snow storm. I called BF and got directions to TSMs fraternity house (I knew he was there that weekend for a going away party) and then I called loser-guy and ended it. Many, many hours later I found myself standing at the door of the fraternity, in the middle of a storm with no idea what to do next. I was literally about to walk away when someone opened the door to come out for a cigarette and found me there. He asked if he could help me, I said that I was there for TSMs going away party and with that I was invited in with a loud yell of "TSM, some girl is here for you!"

I don't know who was more stunned when he finally came down the stairs. He put his arms around me, kissed me and I knew at that moment I was pretty much done. He told me he understood how I felt and that he couldn't offer me anything since he was about to leave for a then undetermined period of time but that he wanted to spend as much of the time as he had left in the US with me. It took me less than a week to come out and tell him that I love him; he one upped me by telling me he had loved me since the day I came up with the Plant Plan.

Three and a half years of dating, three dead fish, five apartments in VA, three in NJ, two dogs, two deployments, almost two years of marriage, a miscarriage, a college graduation and baby boy due in November later the slutty emotionally damaged girl and the Marine that pukes off the side of a boat are still together. We're apart again for another deployment (this is number three if you are counting) but with all the things there are to be afraid of, we're nowhere near as afraid of it as we should be because we are together and we figure we'll get through it somehow.

And that plant? It's still growing