Anyway, I guess I should get you all caught (ok more like both of you) caught up on me. My last posts were in September...so since then, I had a baby. Which is really great considering I was still pregnant and more than a little scared back then. The rest of my pregnancy was uneventful. I had a shower thanks to some wonderful friends in VA, got things ready and ended up going in for an induction on November 17, 2008. A relatively short 13 hours later, I was staring into the eyes of my goo covered, pissed off son.
I suppose this would be a good place to write down every detail of Michael's birth so I won't ever forget it but in all honesty I'm just not that type of blogger/person. I had my son, some details remain (painfully) fresh and others are starting to fade. In a way I think that is the natural order of things - I don't want to spend my time trying to record every moment with Michael so I won't forget it. I want to spend my time enjoying those moments with him.
I will say that mother-hood has been life altering but not in the Lifetime movie sort of way I imagined. I admit that when he was screaming his goo covered little head off in my face I wasn't overwhelmed with love or crying with joy. I was just stunned. It took a few hours and some kangaroo care to finally look at him and say to myself "oh, thats right. I had a baby, this is him. He's nice enough, guess I'll keep him." I didn't love him with an all consuming passion the moment he was born - there was a very instinctual need to care for him and I did love him but it wasn't this amazing life altering moment like so many new Mom's describe.
And let me just interject here and say that I love Michael. Love, love, love him but it was a process and I don't think enough people say that. People would ask and I would tell them that I loved him more than anything, and I did and I would have done anything for him. But it wasn't this blissful lovefest that so many people seem to expect it to be. There was lots of screaming (mostly him) and crying (probably a tie) those first few weeks. And lots of doubt and thoughts of what the hell was I thinking. And yes, I said I. My poor deployed husband was so far out of my thoughts at that point in time that I all but forgot about him at times until he called.
But things slowly started to get better. It takes a while but eventually Michael went from being a soul sucking leach (ok, maybe that is a bit much) to a person. A person who I loved and started to like being around. For me it was at about 3 months when I realized that I liked being around Michael more than anyone else and that those feelings were only growing.
So in order to prevent this from becoming the blog post of all blog posts and to make sure that I have more to blog about tomorrow I am going to end here.
Seriously, I'm back this time. Cross my heart.
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