February 27, 2008

It's been awhile. I just needed a break - bad news when you need a break from the place you use as your safe place to talk about your innermost thoughts and feelings. My near miss post really made me feel vulnerable, and I needed to retreat.

But now I am back, and I am struggling. I feel like my "safe places" are becoming less safe. That I can't just be me without worrying that I hurt or offend others, and this is a place where I would never want to hurt anyone any more than they are already hurting. And so I max myself out supporting others but it feels like when I look to get that support in return people get hurt.

So yeah, I'm feeling pretty down tonight.

February 11, 2008

Oh dear god. I posted my 2/11 blog on a work related blog. Thank god it seems like no one saw it but oh my god. Oh my god.

Note to self, be very careful where blogs are posted...

February 10, 2008

The weekend is ending. And it was pretty good overall - I got some rest, the house is clean and I feel like I am ready to start up the week. Last week I had a lot on my mind and I am pretty sure that I'll have a clearer head this week.

The VA primary is on Tuesday so I've got to put some time into figuring out where I need to go to vote. I even offered to volunteer with the campaign of my candidate of choice so we will see where that leads.

February 8, 2008

Just a quote today...

"Life is not just a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. But rather it is a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan."

More entertainment for the PL Nesties

February 7, 2008

One thing that almost every woman who has had a miscarriage dreads is her due date.  Mine was March 17, 2008 - St Patrick's Day.  As someone who has been an Irish Dancer for most of her life, St Patrick's Day has become an annoying cliche over the years.  I go to bars or other crappy show locations, dance, deal with the annoying audience members and come out of it tired, cranky and glad that it is over for another year.

I wouldn't have had to deal with any of it this year if I was still pregnant.  I'd be huge, or just delivered and the last person anyone would ask to dance in or run a show.  But I'm not, so they are and I am saying yes on a limited basis.  I've decided that the best way to honor my baby and my due date is to take back St Patrick's Day and make it something I enjoy again.

So I will dance, because I love it and it brings me peace.  I will dance with people I enjoy spending time with, because even though several of them are pregnant they are my friends and I find that I fit there.  I will enjoy and I will celebrate St Patrick's Day for my baby.

Something special for Maybride...