Today was the one year anniversary of my m/c. It sort of snuck up on me - I knew it was coming and then all of a sudden it was there. In my face. Staring me down and bringing back memories of things that I wished I could forget. I've always been glad that I was pregnant, in spite of how it ended, because I learned more about love and happiness in those few days than I had in my entire life leading up to it. But I've always pushed away the memories of that Monday - the urgent care, the bleeding, the cramping. There was just so much blood, maybe it's been blown out of proportion in my head, but it was everywhere and it just kept coming.
There is that saying about every cloud having a silver lining and I've found that to be true on the two big dates associated with my m/c - my EDD and my anniversary. On my EDD, a friend finalized the adoption of her son and was finally able to bring him home from Guatemala. I hope someday that she writes a book about her life, about how she fought to bring her children home with a strength and resolve I don't know that I would have when faced with the obstacles she took down. Today, another friend who has also suffered a miscarriage went to have her first u/s and there was a heartbeat. Pregnancy is a long and scary road, where so much can go wrong, but when you've had an early loss seeing that heartbeat gives you hope that you thought was lost.
Rationally, I realize that my little probably had nothing to do with these things. But in my heart I know that she was up there doing her thing. Reminding me in the smallest and biggest of ways that life goes on and that love can't be erased by time.
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