January 3, 2007

Three days in and I am already struggling to come up with things to post. Not a good sign. Still I am going to make myself do this just because I promised myself I would.

So today I got to hear my pregnant co-worker talk all about being pregnant with another friend a few cubes down from me. And I get to hear people congratulate her all the time. And I am happy for her, just sad for me that I didn't get the chance to talk to everyone about my pregnancy and to be congratulated. I wish I was sitting at home because I didn't want to be around the dust and fumes during the office renovation or wearing a little painters mask and rubbing my belly.

And wow do I talk about my miscarriage here a lot but I guess that's because I can't really talk about it anywhere else. As one of my friends said, "We are fine people" which basically means that when people ask how I am doing I always answer "Good" or "Great" or even for awhile "Peachy". But that doesn't mean that I am even sort of any of those things, it just means that I acknowledge that people don't really want to hear how I am doing, and then I get so used to people not caring that I don't even tell the people who do care. The worst part is that I always care, and people know that I always care so I get to listen to other people's problems a lot. I've got the role of the supportive friend down pat and I am glad that I can do it for them, its just that I need to learn how to ask for that support back.

So I went from not having anything to say to having a blog breakthrough which is much cheaper and less time consuming than going to a therapist. So things worked out better than expected - hope that becomes a theme in 2008.